I’ve written previously about my neighbors next door. If you were one of the seven people who read that particular blog post, then you know I’m not exactly wild about them.
I don’t want to give the impression that I despise all my neighbors, so today I’m going to write something positive about my wonderful neighbor across the street. She and her friends who visit at all hours of the day and night are wonderful people and it’s a joy to be in their vicinity.
We’ve never exchanged that many words but it’s obvious they’re aware I have a musical background. I know this because they are constantly exposing me to new music via their vehicles’ stereo systems multiple times throughout the day.
There’s nothing better than listening to the latest rap song at 3am… it’s infinitely superior to my usual stupid plan of sleeping at that particular hour. They will even helpfully turn the volume all the way up so the sound penetrates my closed windows – how considerate of them for trying to ensure I don’t miss a single beat!
Having these fine folks across the street from me has given me a new-found appreciation for the art of writing lyrics. I was never aware that the terms “motherf**ker”, “b*tch” and “‘ho” could each be used 40 dozen times in a little over 3 minutes. Those guys must really sweat over their craft to get the right words on paper, and it shows.
I never knew that at sufficient volume, rap music can help keep windows clean. How? Simple, Sherlock – the bass frequencies vibrate the glass enough to shake off accumulated dirt and grime. And here I was wasting my time with soapy water and a rag.
Did you know that at sufficient volume over an overdriven, cheap car audio system, rap music is capable of causing physical pain in your ears? Me neither, until now. It’s a little irritating but apparently my neighbor and her friends are assisting the military with their research into sound as a weapon. I’m honored they have chosen me as a test subject.
At this point I can safely say that had they taken this approach in Libya, Moammar Gadaffi would have surrendered months ago – it would have saved billions of dollars and Gadaffi wouldn’t have gone to Allah full of unseemly bullet holes.
