The advent of the microwave, and the introduction of good-quality nuke-able meals that don’t taste like the box they’re packed in, have both played a significant role in the decline of the classic cookbook. Couple that with homes comprised of single-parent families, or households where both parents work, and it becomes a bit easier to understand why fewer people are adept at making even something as basic as biscuits from scratch.

Another thing I’ve noted about modern cookbooks is that some terms seem to have vanished from usage – sear, saute, fold, blend, braise. The overall guiding principle seems to be this: If you’re going to write a cookbook, assume your audience will be in a hurry, and possibly quite stupid.

50 years ago a recipe might simply state “add two eggs.” The writers simply assumed the reader would know what to do with the eggs before adding them. Not these days. Today a recipe will say “in a small bowl, beat two eggs with a fork and add.” I can see what’s coming a few years down the road: “With your dominant hand, pick up a fork and…”

I read these instructions in one modern cookbook: ”Combine all ingredients except pie shell in a medium bowl.  I’m really glad they told me that in advance.

The “we think you’re stupid” approach has even filtered down to what should already be pretty simple – entrees and meals that only require you to plop them into an oven of some type, or empty them into a saucepan or skillet.

I don’t know if the companies producing these products are afraid of litigation or if they genuinely think the average consumer is a knuckle-dragging moronis inbredus. Ihink about it… do they really need to tell us to remove the plastic wrap from the frozen pizza before we bake it?

Microwave popcorn – you have to remove the plastic in order to unfold the bag. Once you do that and are able to unfold the bag, you’re confronted by instructions to – you guessed it – remove the plastic from the bag before nuking it.

Another of my all time favorite preparation instructions, found on some frozen meals, is the command to remove the meal from the box. This is almost as funny as the pizza/plastic thing I talked about.

I did notice one glaring omission from the instructions on my box of Pop-Tarts… they neglected to tell me whether to stick the tart into my new toaster horizontally or vertically. After some trial and error I figured it out, but for a few frenzied seconds I thought I had purchased a toaster with defective slots.

I saw a sticker once on a quick food item that sternly informed me to not turn the product upside down.” Amusingly, the sticker was on the bottom of the container.

Seen on a jar of dip: 1. Remove lid 2. Stir 3. Eat with chips, raw vegetable pieces, etc. Darn, and I was planning to just grab a tablespoon and eat the stuff all by itself.

One thing I see often is something along these lines as the final step of preparation: “unwrap and enjoy” or “chill and enjoy.”

What if I didn’t enjoy it? Would that mean I didn’t follow the instructions properly?

This post has reminded me that I need to complain to the people who make the cooking spray I use.  Because of them I nearly had a stove fire… and all I did was follow their instructions to coat the bottom of the pan before placing it on the burner. They should have specified they meant the inside bottom  of the pan.